Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
