I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
