Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
