she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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