I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
