i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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