Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
