I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
