I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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