I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
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She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm just crazy horny about you
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
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i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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