i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize