PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
