We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
