Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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