Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
