i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
