Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
