She's JV to your varsity
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
