I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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