White coat. Heels.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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