Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
