I haven't been this sober since birth.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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