a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
They took my balls.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
