my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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