Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
