Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
