The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
