I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
