God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
