last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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