after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
