Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
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He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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