clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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