She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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