I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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