i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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