Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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