Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize