Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
