Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
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I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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