Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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