Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
