Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
