I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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