I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.