I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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