Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
