her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Mom said you looked used
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
