i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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