I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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