Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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