boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
