he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
