so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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