1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
