She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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