fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
