For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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