yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
