You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i love accidental penises.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
