is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have fence marks all over my body
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
